I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
