Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize