So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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