Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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