playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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