i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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