Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize