I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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