there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
