mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
