I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize