Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
