The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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