Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
