I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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