Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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