On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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