dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
