It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
