so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
