I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize