you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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