She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
