She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
