I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
this hospital has no fireball
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
