Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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