Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
