i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
