Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
