I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
