the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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