tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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