: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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