Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
