I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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