I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
