As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
