Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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