I take back everything I said about communal showers
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
