New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
