you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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