i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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