I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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