I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
