Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
