scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
