I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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