party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
