Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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