I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
