Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize