where am i from again
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize