we have pet lesbian snakes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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