Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
