Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
