i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We're too hungover to prance.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
