Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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