I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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