I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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