Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
