you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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