I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
