Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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