haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
