I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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