My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
