Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
