is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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