If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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