I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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