you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
