remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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