If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
