Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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