i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
