wanna go halves on a baby?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
